Friday, September 28, 2007

Little Jackie Paper - Child endangerment?

The other night I was playing my iPod on shuffle and a very disturbing song came on. It told the story of a small boy who befriends a dragon!! I was very concerned about this ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’ situation.
My immediate reaction was, “Where are the parents?”
If your child’s best friend is a dragon does that not ring a few alarm bells?
“Mum, I’m just popping off to Hanalei to see my mate the magic dragon,” apparently didn’t cause a ripple of concern to Mrs. Paper. Hanalei is in Hawaii! How is little Jackie getting to Hawaii?
Also, I know their lack of existence has meant little is known about dragons but I think we all realize dragons do not make great friends for little boys. Dragons breathe fire, have scales and a big swishy tail. One loss of control and little Jackie Paper ends up resembling the forgotten burger on a July 4th barbecue. I am surprised that Mr. and Mrs. Paper were not arrested on child endangerment – must’ve been the sixties.

Another problem with the song is the reported choice of playthings that Jackie took to Puff. The singer (Peter, Paul or Mary; it isn’t entirely clear) revealed that these were “sealing wax and balls of string”. Er hello! Puff is a dragon. One belch and the sealing wax is a puddle. How much fun is that for a dragon? A careless expulsion of breath and then he has to spend hours digging melted sealing wax out of the cave’s carpet (of course dragon caves have to have carpets because dragons have soft underbellies – duh!).

Finally, there is the suggestion that due to the inevitable adolescent distractions, as he gets older, Little Jackie Paper gets bored visiting Puff. I don’t think so! Come on, your best mate’s a dragon (albeit in Hawaii) how cool would that be for pulling girls? You could arrange for your scaly pal to trap a cutie and terrorize her, then you could rescue said cutie. Later you can scare her flying around on the dragon’s back and round the night off with a lit-to-order cozy fire on the beach. Plus, when you’re even older you can get someone to ghost-write your biography about growing up with a dragon (things like scaring girls, methods for cleaning up sealing wax etc.) and go on Letterman and Leno or Desert Island Discs and be really rich and famous and everything.

Overall, I don’t think there is a shred of truth in that song. It’s very disappointing but the silver lining is at least we don’t have to hunt down Mr. And Mrs. Paper on child endangerment charges.

<Enter stunningly witty and clever tag here>

Bazza

PS
I don’t believe the song is about drugs.
XT said it was an imaginary friend but that still raises deep psychological worries.
I Googled little Jackie Paper but could find no trace of the guy.

2 comments:

  1. I have reason to believe you're as mad as a spoon. Ner ner ni ner ner.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am permanently damaged. This was my favorite song as a little girl - drove Godzilla crazy playing it over and over and over. As kids do. Now, instead of feeling sorry for Puff, all I'll see is a puddle of wax. Sob.

    ReplyDelete