Mentos and Diet Coke

Somethings are timeless: Two people trying to get through a door at the sames time, 2 drunks setting the balls on a pool table, Sucking helium and talking, seeing kids accidently hit grown ups in the crutch and of course Mentos and Coke.

2 Green Dots and 28 Green Bars

My car has a little Green digital clock. My wife’s car has also got a little green digital clock. Both the clocks in both our cars are simple four digit displays and both of our clocks in both of our cars have an additional little green dot to indicate whether is am or pm. So what? I hear you ask. Well it occurred to me some time ago that while I did spend a lot of my years, prior to this year, whooping it up, partying and carrying on etc., I don't think I ever looked at a clock that showed four O'clock and thought to myself

"Wait! Is it four in the morning or four in the afternoon?”

More to the point, anyone so confused as to not know whether it is eight O'clock in the evening or eight O'clock in the morning probably shouldn't be driving a car.


<Enter stunningly witty and clever tagline here>


Bazza

Dog years, cat years and now Connecticut years

We have dog years (about 7 human years), we have cat years (about 5.5 human years) and now we have Connecticut years (5 Connecticut years equals 100 human years) I’ll explain. About a month after we arrived in Connecticut a huge storm, referred to as a Nor’easter, swept through. With it came 12 hours of incredibly heavy rain. The intensity of the rain was equivalent to the short sharp tropical downbursts that happen in Florida but whereas they typically last an hour this lasted half a day and was pretty cold too. The local rivers all flooded and there was a great concern over the high tide, which coincided with the storms height as well. When all was over many, many properties were damaged or flooded and lakes existed where previously there had just been meadows.

Luckily we escaped without any bad things happening to our house and we were greatly relieved, when walking around the housing complex we live in, to notice no significant ill effects for anyone (even Speedy and Sparky survived, though I was very worried for them). As we passed the condo association office we bumped into the president of our association.

In conversation, and being new to the area, we asked him about the storm. He looked at us gravely and said:

“Oh that was a bad one,” he went on “You know it was a one in every one hundred years storm.”

“Really? Well that’s good then.” we said.

“Yes,” he said, “last time we had a storm like that was five years ago”

So there you have it, in Connecticut 100 yrs = 5 years. Therefore I am 920 years old. Don’t feel so bad about the bi-focals now.


<Enter stunningly witty and clever tagline here>


Bazza

Ironic – No, I really don’t think so.

What do you call someone who doesn’t get Irony? American (or Canadian)!
What do Americans think irony is? Something you use on creased clothseys.

Definition: (Merriam Webster’s online dictionary) But basically think of Irony as luck with a twist.


I’m ranting about Irony because of something that really makes me MAD – that is Alanis Morrisette’s song Ironic. If you are unfamiliar with the song let me explain. The lady, who spent the three and half minutes of her first single “You Oughta know’ screaming at me because I was a man, decided to create a song illustrating that life has many unfortunate twists and turns (First error, irony isn’t always bad). I realise I’m not the first to point out some of the songs issue but like I said it bugs me.

The first verse has three examples:
1. A 98 yr old man who won the lottery and then died.

This isn’t ironic. What would be ironic is if he died from a heart attack after being told he’d won the lottery. Otherwise dying is just bad luck

2. Next Alanis tells us Ironic is a ‘Black Fly in your Chardonnay’.

Definitely only bad luck. What could be ironic is if you had spent a month searching for a specific species of Black Fly only to give up and console yourself with a glass of posers wine and there, floating on top, was the very species of black fly you had been fruitlessly searching for.

3. Finally for verse one we get: ‘It's a death row pardon two minutes too late’.

Two things to point out here: 1. It’s just bad luck again and 2. how would you know? Irony would be if you had campaigned your whole adult life to have the death penalty abolished but during a heated debate you accidentally knock over proponent of capital punishment who struck their head on the mock electric chair being used as a prop in the debate. The fallen person dies and you are tried for murder and get put on death row. Finally the federal government outlaws the death penalty but two minutes too late for you – the leading campaigner. That would be ironic.

OK this blog is going on too long but I hope you beginning to see what I’m getting at here. For instance, the chorus talks about ‘rain on your wedding day’. Wedding day rain is only ironic if you are a weather forecaster who forecasted good weather. ‘A free ride when you’ve already paid’ – then it’s not free is it? And ‘good advice you just didn’t take” again bad luck. Only Ironic if you’d taken every piece of advice offered by that person and it had all been wrong and the one piece you ignored was good.



My final complaint is the closing lines include the lyric ‘a little too ironic, don’t you think?’ This implies there are degrees of irony. Which I don’t really think there are, things are either ironic or not.

Sorry Alanis, but maybe if you hadn’t tried to make all men feel like shits in your first song I wouldn’t be so touchy about this now.


<Enter stunningly witty and clever tagline here>


Bazza

If you want to search for the lyrics please be careful many so called lyric sites are 'honey pots' crammed with malware.